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N Saturday, October 13, 2007 / 3:39 PM
Life isnt going the way i wanted to be. Everything seems so wrong. Happy moments are always short term which i think is quite true. Maybe i am just a fool anyway..a fool in everything i did.
People said, when a chance or opportunity comes..we must grab it. I felt that no matter how tightly i grabbed it, i will always let it slipped away. Y does this kinda things happened to me everytime? Is life so complicated as it seems? What can i do to make life simple?
Whats the point of wanting the things u cant even get it, fight so hard for it, use up all your energy for it, give up everything for it but in the end, you realise you gain nothing. At that point of time, you will feel very stupid and useless.
I love the way u held my hands, the way u hugged me, happy moments we spent together, the way you cared for me..all these things is going to end but i just cant accept it as the truth. I dont want it to end, i dont want it to turn into memories. I know you are giving up soon, can felt it already..everything i do now seems so useless..maybe i am just a loser afterall.
Sometimes i will stare into blank space thinking of things that cannot be altered, thinking about the past, thinking about my future, thinking of you too. What can i do to overcome the sadness i felt, overcome pain i had in the past, overcome the shadow in my heart? Disappointment flood my heart, waiting becomes the only option i can do..waiting aimlessly..waiting for an answer maybe..this may never come to an end. The answer maybe out, or am i too stupid to realise that? I am loosing aim..loosing everything that i wanted..loosing my pride, confidence, principles of life, loosing you.
The strong light in my heart now is fading away, fading fast and i am losing my way, i didnt know which path i should choose or take, being blind by darkness, maybe it is fate for me to end myself in the dark.
Hate myself anyway, everybody should hate me too.
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